Mr. Brightside (no © infringement intended!)

A few months ago, I received a text from my cousin and former roommate asking me "what was the word you used to describe yourself?" She was making reference to the practice answers I'd given during our comedic attempts at prepping me for the med interviews.

"Malleable?" "YEAH! That's the one".

I like to think I'm a pretty darn adaptable person who goes with what life throws at him. Reading my blog from 2 weeks ago, I guess it's arguable. It seems like the institution (i.e. med) drags you along with its intrinsic ups and downs. But don't fret. With every down (i.e. 2 weeks ago), the pendulum eventually swings back up (i.e. today!). No, I'm not a victim of bi-polarism. Sometimes just being engulfed daily by incredibly bright folks 1000x more adept and quick to think than you just puts a damper on your day. I guess that's the thing with medicine - everyone's on his/her A-game at any given moment.

So what was it that suddenly flipped my POV? I'm not one to spill my man guts out, but it was definitely the support of my friends. 12 months ago, I was offered a spot at Canada's most prestigious university but I turned down the offer in favour of staying at home. I had no idea then how large an impact staying linked with my life would have on my education. I guess all the girls that tell us to "open up" aren't completely out to lunch. I admitted I was closing in on burnout to many of my friends and that realization itself took a huge burden off my shoulders (or maybe it was the venting). I can't possibly imagine how those that go abroad feel when trying to learn the nuances of metabolic pathways and pharmacological interactions sans support of buddies, sisters, and mentors. So to all my med colleagues out there - remember, you are human and it's ok to admit that you're tackling a mountain often tougher than you can handle.

Burnt

8 months into school and what a change of view I have of the medical system. It sucks. Medical school sucks.

I used to be the life of the party - lived the urban yuppie life, hit the outdoors all the time, and just lived life. Coming into school, I made a decision to keep living life. This was easy for the first couple of months. After all, they do treat us pretty nice here at my school. Then when the first batch of exams came, I thought - holy frack I'm out of here. I stuck through it in hopes of it getting easier.

3 months into my second semester now, I couldn't help but wonder why I don't have that urge to "do stuff" in life anymore. I was troughing and rarely wanted to make plans to hit a party or workout at the gym. Anyone who knows me knows this isn't me. It's like I've had the living bejesus sucked out of me. I was telling a friend about my "troughing" and finally she hit me on the head and said, "wait, you still haven't figured out the obvious reason of why you're troughing?". It took a moment and then it all hit me.

Even when I'm away from my books, medicine is on my mind. There's the ever looming thought of everything I have to do. There's the huge amounts of gunk I don't know that I should know. There are the fake people at school I have to deal with. There is the shitty doctor who I have to shadow every week to deal with. And the thing I hate most, is when I get sarcastic comments from ppl outside of medicine about "oh wow - you're going to be a doctor. whooopdy doo. good for you. make mommy proud". Maybe if they tried working 100 hour weeks only to realize you still might fail at what you're doing then they'd at least give me a break. Oh btw, mom never asked me to be doctor.

Did I love the idea of getting into medicine? Absolutely. Do I love medical school? Absolutely not. Do I miss life? More than anything. I'm going to be hopeful though and keep on trekking.

"You made me feel so comfortable. Thank you"

With 8 weeks of medical training, there is little I can actually do in a medical setting aside from tell patients about mitosis and perhaps their musculature from my cadaver labs. Nonetheless, I've already (and thankfully) have already been exposed to several afternoons working with patients in medical offices.

An interesting experience happened on one of my first visits. My school's worked hard to drill the importance of active listening and the tools for gentle interrogation of patients - "no leading questions!", "probe deeper!", "80% of communication is non-verbal!" etc. etc. Even so early in my medical career, these skills have proven invaluable.

Setting: Medical office, my first office visit
Characters: me, my partner, and a patient (40ish y/o female w/ ummm, well her pants off)

Me: So Ms. X, tell me about yourself.

Ms. X: (apprehensively) What'd you like to know?

Partner: Just tell us about your life and who you are.

Ms. X: Well, I work for the city of ___________ as a street flagger and i'm ___ years old. I have two kids and am single.

*Conversation continues for 10 minutes with no reference to why her pants are off*

Me: So what can we do for you today? (ready for her to explain the pants situation)

Ms. X: Well, ummm. I errrrr...I think I may have an ingrown toe nail.

Me: (nonchalantly) Oh, ok tell me about that while I have a look (i am now kneeling in front of her - yes, pants are still off).

*Conversation continues*

Partner: Ok, is there any other reason why you're here today?

Ms. X: Well, ummm. Yes. I uhhhh. I actually need a refill for my asthma prescription.

Me: Errrrr right. Sure I'll make sure the doctor deals with that. (silent moment)

*Conversation continues and my partner and I start asking deeper questions about her history and validate and normalize her concerns about her sexual history*

Me: So ummm...anything else?

Ms. X: Yes, actually I'm concerned I have herpes.

*My thoughts: Did I just manage to convince a woman I just met to tell me her deepest and possibly most sensitive concerns?"

*Conversation continues and we learn more about her life and everything that's led up to this point. Doctor comes in and prepares to examine her genitals*.

Me: Would you like us to leave?

Ms. X: Of course not! You made me feel so comfortable. Thank you!

Scene. I'll save you the details of the exam.


So sure, it's only been 8 weeks. But I think I've already learned one of the most important skills a doctor can ever possess - listening w/o judgement. Now the challenge is

High-School and Medicine

Here's a little known fact about medical school: it's EXACTLY like high-school. Well, alright, maybe not completely, but the two are strikingly similar.

Here goes:

1. Late? Run to class!!! No, seriously. I've been in med school for one month and can't count the number of times I've done this at 7:58am. Imagine a goofy knapsack (clinging and clanging of textbooks and recess munchies) slung over my shoulders, breakfast stuck on my shirt, and me darting with flipflops whilst dodging freshmen, puddles, and homeless people to make sure I don't lose marks for being late.

2. The administration is holding my hand again. The office ladies are nice and take care of everything. Everything.

3. Lockers: This is actually better than high-school 'cause I get not one, but TWO of them (except one holds my clothes with bits of cadaver on it for anatomy labs). Like an 8th grader, I'm still having trouble opening the lock on my lockers. On the plus side, the lockers are too small for me to fit in finally.

4. Locker room issues: Ok, so the high-school I went to was packed with dudes who thought they were big buff guys ("thought"). 6 years out of high-school, I've outgrown many of them and sometimes question why on earth I felt self-conscious as the tiny kid. Well, changing in the locker rooms before anatomy labs brings it allllll back (but with nicer people). I'm quite certain that having pecs the size of Pamela's assets and a washboard stomach were pre-requisites of med-school. It doesn't help that I have several firemen in my class. They make me feel fat.

5. I'm singing again. Wow, I'm really painting a dorky picture of myself now. Yes, I was in the high-school choir (and damn good at it!). And am now part of a men's a cappella group. If this whole doctor thing falls through, I'm ready for something bigger and better. Like being a castrato.

6. Girls are :)! I remember a time when girls in high-school (crazy as they were) actually really made an effort to look pretty. Maybe it was the whole 90210 thing/Kelly Kapowski influence. Anyway, come undergrad and I was vortexed into a world of feminine blahness. Gum boots and parkas?! They might as well have thrown moccasins and beaver hats into the mix. Having to see patients and do clinical skills regularly, the ladies look.....well attractive again. It's nice not having to imagine what they might look like sans eye cruds and sweatpants.

7. Lunch time, recess, and playgrounds. So maybe we don't call it recess, but a 10 minute break in between class is the way to go. And 12:00pm everyday - lunch hour! Pool tables, fooseballs and a gaming console that doesn't work (makes me nostalgic of the inner city school I went to).

8. Student Council! No, I didn't get suckered into this one. But someone actually campaigned by bribing us with bon bons.

9. School camp! Remember packing your snackpacks and sleeping bags for that annual school camp? Well, that was just a few weekends ago. Campfires? Check. Marshmallows? Check. Keggers? Yup - sounds like high-school. Here's a new one though: being told by camp organizers to never post some photos (that I best not talk about here) on the net to protect our colleagues' careers.

10. Failed a class? That's ok. Sorry to let you in on this secret, but medical school really really really wants us to pass. I better stop here.

Scalpel!

There are few things in life that you remember for the rest of your life. You can't deny still remembering the first time you stole a kiss, drove a car, or was attacked in the back alleys of Guatemala (maybe that last one is just me). Or perhaps the time you made a life-altering decision to get to where you are today.

I added another item to my list today. Friday afternoon, they ushered us into the - wait for it - yup, you got it - cadaver lab. As my lab group of 8 surrounded the body bag, I was certain everyone, despite his/her best efforts to remain calm, had a heart racing 200km/hour.

As the body bag opened up, we saw the tiny embalmed body. I should say, actually, we smelled the body prior to actually seeing her. No, this wasn't a group activity. It's just nearly impossible to escape the rush of formaldehyde seeping out of the cadaver and into every nook and cranny of the students' clothing.

She was face down and most of the body was still wrapped up in yet another towel. Since we were only looking at the back, we just proceeded to unwrapping the back. I was taken aback that the skin was looking mighty preserved. I don't know why I was expecting flesh like a live person. Perhaps too much Hollywood morgue scenes. Anyway, imagine a class of 306 students and roughly 40 cadavers with skin that resembled much like the fetal pigs that you dissect in biology class.

Next step - incision. This actually turned out to the easiest part of the lab. Once the initial shock was over, removing the skin off was only 10% disgusting, 30% awkward, another 10% Texas-chainsaw-esque and the remaining 50% was awesomeness. We removed the fat and observed all the muscles of the back. Layer by layer, we checked out the structures that help us do everything from giving a high-5 to sitting up. Think about that the next time you're moving around.

It's pretty cool to have gone through all of that in the first week of medical school. It's pretty hard to not have a new appreciation for the human body. Yes, even with all the formaldehyde and sticky fat tissues.

Dr. Red Frisbee

The clock's ticking down the seconds for med school to begin in just over a week. I'm finally getting excited about it methinks.

A surprise came in the mail yesterday. A membership card for a medical association that I'd signed up for addressed to "Dr...". Sweet baby jesus! I'm definitely going to start carrying that around in my wallet. Perhaps "drop" it whilst picking up milk at my grocery store while standing in line ahead of a cute girl. Oh the completely medically-unrelated benefits of med school.

ETA: Two weeks

Two weeks down before starting the big bad med school! Looking forward to getting up 6am everyday for the next god knows how many years! ughhh.

It's weird to think about starting school again after having spent the last few years working, backpacking, and doing random random stuff thanks to the freedom from school. Now it's time to get my tetra packs stocked up for school lunches. Swweeet - capri sun's!

The prep work i've done thus far:
- student loans (being in debt is a right of passage for MD's - kinda like a bar mitzvah)
- new laptop (so sleek, so sexy)
- lost income via quitting work (refer to point one re: debts)
- vaccinations (oh and the bloodwork came back...i'm all good baby!)

Anyway - got my registration package in the mail. Seems like orientation week is going to be a hoot! BBQ's, roleplaying, and amazing races around the campus. swwwweeeeet!